Gizmo July 2003-March 2011

Gizmo was my cat, he was my baby, he was amazing, he died a year ago today. Maybe most people don't believe an animal can have a huge effect on your life, but gizmo changed me. He had a liver shunt, he had an equilibrium problem, he had a hate for the litter box, but to make up for that, he loved to cuddle, followed me everywhere, bathed with me, went for walks on the leash, rode in the car(when he was a baby, not as an adult), loved his belly being rubbed, loved more than anything to be held and made me laugh, cry and smile all the time. He made infertility more bearable because I got to take care of him, he was my baby. He was on a special diet, he took certain meds daily, and like a baby, I had to know where he was at every second. I spent countless hours looking for him, when all along he was hiding under the bed....LOL When they say animals can be therapeutic, they are right, Gizmo calmed me down, cheered me up, and helped me heal. About a week before he passed away he hurt his arm, he tore something and couldn't walk on it. I spent 5 nights sleeping on the floor in the living room with him, so I could make sure he was comfortable and didn't hurt it further. I hand fed him food to make sure he ate, held the water dish to his mouth so he would drink and massaged his arm because the vet said it would help. I could go on and on about how unique and awesome he was, but this is all making me cry, so I will stop now and just post a couple of pics(because I took more pics of him than some people do of there kids...LOL)

One of many of my fav pics of him

Gizmo dressed up as a pirate for Halloween 2010

Shhhh, lets not talk about it.

I feel like the world caters to most everyone, but the infertile community gets left out.....Did you know that there is not a chicken soup for the infertile soul......but there are 12 books about the animal lovers soul. There is a wedding story and a baby story....where is the friggen infertile story on TLC. Forget Survivor...wheres surviving. Instead of giving money to the next singer who wins american idol, why not pay for IVF for someone more deserving of a break. I was watching a video on Ellen of a woman who was given a car, and everyone loved her reaction....I say, if you want to see a reaction, give an infertile couple a round of IVF, you want to see someone dance around the stage, tell them there infertility debt is payed for. I wrote Ellen a letter today, I asked her to do a show about infertility, I doubt she will respond, but it was worth a try. I feel like there needs to be more awareness, I just don't know how to do it.

Aunt Floooooooo...where are you???

I took my last birth control pill on Saturday and my period is still MIA. Im trying not to stress, because that won't help anything, but im a bit worried. I need my period to start soon in order to do my FET next month......So, whoever is holding her hostage, can you please send her my way!!

Antsy Pants

Yup, with 4 weeks left unitl our first FET, Im getting antsy. I don't really have much more to add to this post, just that I get butterflys in my stomach when I think about it. Oh, and I am sick....fever, sinus infection, chest cold, insane cough. I am feeling better today thanks to the Z pack, but the last few days were rough.

Its getting closer.....

We are just over a month away from our FET. Right now I am just excited and anxious......talk to me again in 4 weeks though....LOL. My RE called me last night and we came up with a plan. I am on birth control now and have been for 2 weeks. The reason we chose to do that is because I have PCOS so I could ovulate at any time and for our FET everything needs to be timed perfectly. I start estrogen pills on the first full day of my period. Funny thing, I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription, and really thought it would be a couple hundred dollars for the meds. I stood there Visa card in hand waiting for my total, and when she said "that will be 8 dollars please" I swear my visa smiled at me. The Dr said he would mail me my calendar and the hard copy pics of my embryos. I always feel bad for him when he calls me, because I attack him with a thousand questions....LOL Todays questions were all about embryo quality. I wanted to know how we choose which ones to transfer first. He said normally the best quality ones are the ones they use first, but in my case since all 18 are grade AA, we just use what we grab first. I then wanted to know what happens if they thaw out at a low grade. He said that if one thaws well, and the other doesn't, we have to choices.......transfer the one good one, or thaw 2 more and transfer 3.....Thats scares me, and it scares Kyle, and even the Dr wasn't to keen on the idea. So I guess I will just pray that the first 2 thaw nicely.

Im sorry the blog has been kinda boring lately, we are just kinda waiting for the next step and that IS boring.

My advice

I was asked the other day what my biggest piece of advice would be to couple suffering with infertility. I kinda laughed because I couldn't think of just ONE piece of advice. So I thought I would share it here. Please know that this advice is based off of my experience, and everyone's situations are different, so some of this may not apply.

1. To me this is the most important, TRUST YOURSELF. I found for me that I knew my body better than anybody. I knew when I was going to ovulate, I knew when something was wrong, I knew when to ask for help and I knew when listen to my Dr. You also need to stand up for yourself. If you know something is wrong tell your DR, if your uncomfortable with something say it, and if you want to try a different method, medication, procedure, SAY SO.

2. Have an amazing support system. I couldn't have done this without the amazing support from my husband, my mom and dad, my sister, my grandma, my husbands family, my co workers, my boss's, all my friends in real life, and all my online friends.You need to have people to talk to, people who are excited for you and people who will always be in your corner.

3. Choose the right Dr. I went through several Dr's before I found the one I trusted to do IVF with. It wasn't easy to choose because they all seem awesome(because they all tell you what you want to hear). I was lucky enough to have a couple friends(Lauren and Sam thank you) who helped me choose. They guided me in the right direction, and were my voice of reason most of the time. I wasted a lot of time in the past with the "wrong" Drs, so it was a huge relief to find one I love. I just wish I would have found him sooner.



There are a million more pieces of advice I could give, but to me those are the most important.

17 past retrieval

I thought I would share a picture with you. I took some pics of my ever so bloated, sore, swollen tummy during my adventure with OHSS. I seriously look 7 months pregnant at my biggest. The way I look at 4 days past retrieval was the way I looked from 3 days past to 7 days past, and it was my most uncomfortable stage. You can't see it in the pic, but my back was super swollen as well. It was almost over night that I went from huge and uncomfortable, to not so bad and able to move around. Ill tell you what, I have never been so happy to pee every 30 mins....lol. I also got some stretch marks under my belly button. They are small and not very noticeable, but it still pisses my off. So for now, I will slather that area with bio oil every night.