Monday, January 30, 2012

Elephant Stew

A good short cut recipe when your in a hurry.

Ingredients: 1 Elephant(med)
                   2 Rabbits(optional)

Cut elephant into bite size pieces. Cover with Gravy and cook over kerosene fire for 4 weeks at 465 degrees. Serves about 3800 people.
If more people are expected then add the 2 rabbits, but only if absolutely necessary as most people don't like hare in their stew!

My grandma sent me a letter in the mail and I got it today, it was full of little quotes to make me smile. That one really gave me a chuckle. She also sent one that said "count your age by friends not years, count your life by smiles not tears" I will admit it though, that one brought a tear to my eye.

It's funny though, because even though Im 300 miles away from home, she can still tell when I need to smile. She is a very amazing woman, and I love her very much.

I will leave you with the most fitting quote she sent me:

"Some grandmas ride in limousines and live in houses fit for queens, but my grandma is best by far, because she fills her cookie jar"

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Nothing new means nothing to post...LOL

I really have nothing interesting to post....hahaha. I have a couple more days of birth control pills, and some bloodwork on Thursday, and will start stims on Saturday(fingers crossed). Im having some cramping and spotting....Normal?? Not normal?? I have no freaking idea, and at this point I have stopped googling everything. Only my Dr. knows if it is normal for me, so I have no need freak myself out further.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Am I the only one...

...............who enjoys her daily shot.....LOL I look forward to it each day, even though its only Lupron at this point, I still look forward to it. To me its progress, its a step forward, its exciting. I have a slight reaction to it each time, its gets swollen, red and itchy, and each night I look at the red mark in the mirror and smile......progress.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Please continue to remind me of this.....

"Sometimes all you can do is not think.
Not wonder. Not obsess. Not imagine.
Just breathe, and have faith that
everything will work out for the best."

I have no idea who wrote that quote....but im gonna try to live by it.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Oh, I forgot to mention...

My Dr called the other day to let me know the results of my 2 hour glucose/insulin test. He said that it should be under 100 and mine was 126. He said it wasn't bad, but would like to see it more under control. He upped my metformin from 1500mg to 2250mg. He said the higher dose may upset my stomach, so if it does, I can stop with the extra, but so far it doesn't seem to bother me. He also said my FSH is 5.5 which is really good, and means I don't have diminished ovarian reserve like the Dr in Spokane initially thought.

The first of many

I had my first shot of this cycle today. It was 10 units of Lupron. It was a very tiny needle, and my husband did an amazing job. As always I prepared the syringe and my stomach. I backed myself up against the counter like always(so I don't run away...LOL) and pinched my stomach fat. The rest was up to Kyle, and he didn't let me down, he did it fast and gently. Kaitlin was over today, and I couldn't help but laugh at the look of horror on her face while we did this, it was priceless. It started to itch so bad after, got all red and started to swell....ugh. I know a great girl who went through IVF a few years ago, and she assured me it was all normal. She recommended some Benadryl  cream, so I will invest in that tomorrow. I will take this med for 10 days, take a couple day break and start new meds, YAY(insert sarcasm...LOL)

Sunday, January 15, 2012

Low carb...its been a week!

Its actually really easy, I love meat though, so that helps. I am now down 11lbs since he 15th of December. Since IVF is happening in Feb now, rather than April, the pressure is on to loose those last few pounds. We are still doing the P90X, and Ill tell ya, it doesn't NOT get easier....LOL. Today I am going to experiment with no carb icecream and maybe a low carb pizza crust. I have also found these awesome protein shakes(thanks Debbie) that are great to drink in the morning, or to have for dinner after working out, and as a bonus, they actually taste really good. I really have to thank Kyle though, if he wasn't doing this all with me, I would have stopped a long time ago.

Will the nerves ever go away???

I am so nauseous, and have been since we decided to do IVF in Feb. I know this is the right choice for us, I know its what we need to do in order to have a family, I know I will be be ok no matter the outcome, so why have a felt sick to my stomach for 3 days? I have been trying to do things to distract my mind from all of this, and it works, but every time I have some down time its all I think about. I think the biggest fear is all the time off work I will need. I have awesome bosses,  and a wonderful sweet understanding office manager, but I feel sick taking a week off for this, and if it doesn't work, another week off a few months later. Im also nervous because the week that I will spend in Portland, will be alone. Kyle wants to be there, but only has so many hours of PTO(payed time off) with his work. *If* this does work, he wants 3 or 4 weeks after the baby is born to stay home and help. He knows Im going to stay for home for 12 weeks, and he wants to be a part of that, wants to enjoy our baby "full time" as much as he can. I want that so bad as well, so I am going to put on my big girl panties and stay alone *cry*. The last thing I am nervous about is disappointing everyone. I am so scared that it wont work, and everyone will be let down, like I have let them down in the past. Im afraid all this heartache, stress, money, time off work won't be worth it. Ok, before all my family and friends slap the crap out of me, I know "I" won't be letting you all down, and none of you are going to love me less, it just feels that way in my head. What doesn't scare me is he needles(my husband is an awesome shot giver), or the procedure itself. Oh and I hate to give myself the shots, so when I have to do them at work Im gonna rely on Carly or Danyell or one of the other awesome hygienists that I work be prepared guys. Anyways, I am trying to be optimistic(doesn't seem like it right?? LOL) and know that in the end my husband will still be there for me, and he will give me a giant hug no matter the outcome.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

This ones a keeper

Alright here is my full update. As soon as we got there, we went back to so I could get my first blood draw done. While she was taking blood the Dr overheard me telling her I was CD3, so popped his head in and told her to draw more blood to check FSH. When she was done taking blood I had to drink the nastiest orange sugar syrup drink, so they could check my glucose/insulin levels 2 hours later. We then sat down with the DR, I gave him Kyles bad semen analysis report, plus the report for my Lap and HSG. He looked those over and agreed IVF was the best way to go. We spent about an hour talking about exactly how the procedure was done, the cost and most importantly all the meds/blood work and tests I have had done recently. He didn't sugar coat anything, he said our chances were about 60% being a little lower due to the PCOS. He also talked to us about ICSI. Kyle requested to do another analysis and the dr totally agreed. The Dr took Kyle to another room, where apparently he checked out the "goods" to make sure everything looked normal. While Kyle was doing that, it was my turn.  He checked my thyroid and did a pelvic exam. He then did an ultrasound and said everything looked good. He said there were a few reason to wait until April, 1st he wanted me on Metformin for at least 3 months, well I have been on it for 3 years...Check, 2nd he wanted all IVF blood work done....check, 3rd he wanted me to be at a good place in my cycle....hows CD3 for ya.........Check, 4th he wanted me to loose 10lbs.....Im at 11lbs lost since Dec 15th....that was good enough for him....Check, he also wanted a normal ultrasound, normal breast exam, no STD's, FSH to be normal...check, check and check. He said that he saw no reason to have to wait until April like he originally thought. He said we could wait if we want to, but no further testing needed to be done so we had nothing to gain, but he stressed that he was fine with whatever we chose.They have a shared risk or insurance program and this is how it works. Say he takes 10 woman with PCOS(or other woman with the same conditions or circumstances as each other) and thinks 8 out of the 10 woman will get pregnant, so the other 2 woman will need the "free" cycle. He figures it will cost $7500 per cycle for the to each try again, so he divides the $15000 it would cost between all 10 woman, so for all 10 woman to have the "insurance" as he calls would $1500 per woman. So for us, if it doesn't work the first time, we can try again for only the cost of meds and the initial extra $1500. He said there is no pressure to buy the "insurance" now, we can wait until 2 days before retrieval to decide. As for meds, he said he usually uses Bravelle, but since I responded to Follistim in the past, yet had no response to repronex, that he wouldn't mess with something that worked, so we will use follistim. I started BCP today, and start Lupron on the 20th. Follistim should start on the 4th or so, with retrieval the 14th-17th of feb and transfer 5ish days later.  He called the meds into a pharmacy in town, and we got to pick them up before we left Portland. For all meds I mentioned, plus Pregnyl(sp?) it was $1600 because my insurance cover half.....YAY. Ok, Im sure I left something out.......LOL Oh, and Kyle got the results of the new semem analysis and his total count 124million Versus 6 million in Spokane, and his Motility was like 80%(I think) versus 4% in Spokane, and his morphology was 75% versus 1% in Spokane...WTF 
                               Here is a pic of all my meds, needles and sharps container.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Super Man.....Banana

With 90 days or so until our IVF, we decided to start P90X. I had no idea what to expect, but people warned me it would be hard. I just had no idea how hard until yesterday. I woke up this morning and could hardly walk, but that all that legs. I was pissed, my abs felt nothing, the worst part on my body and it got no love from the workout. Early into the afternoon though it finally hit me, my abs killed, and a loved every moment of it. Some of the moves(like Superman Banana) are hard, frustrating and make you want to punch the guy in the throat, but it is SOOOOOOO worth it. I had to go today and buy weights, resistance bands and yoga mats, we are set, and worked our asses off tonight. 2 down 88 to go.

On a weight related note, I am down 8lbs from the middle of December, and Kyle is down 13.....13? WTF

Monday, January 9, 2012

First.....and second impressions are so important.

I called the Portland Dr today(and from here on out he will be known as Dr.S) to set up an appt for a consultation. I explained to her that I would like a Friday because it is the easiest day for Kyle to get off work. She said that Fridays were his surgery day, but if I could hold she would go ask him if he could see me. She came back a few minutes later, and said he would be happy to see us that day. I was surprised, I have never been treated so well from a Dr, and my first.....and second impression is, that hes a keeper.

Many thanks yous!!!!!!

My husband has been my rock through this whole thing. He is kind, understanding, funny and sweet. He is the guy who flipped me head first off the bed so his "men" wouldn't fall out...haha. He keeps me sane, and makes me insane all at the same time. When we first started trying to have a baby, he was doing it for me, not because he was ready, but because he wanted to make me happy. In august 2008, Kyles good friend had his first son Aiden, and it opened Kyles eyes to what fatherhood was all about. He was in awe of this tiny little person, so sweet and so small. He was so much more open to the idea of having a baby after that. In march 2011 Aidens baby brother Mason was born and it was game on for Kyle.  He always knew he wanted a baby, but with the birth of Mason, he was now 500% ready. I do have to remind him though, that not all babies are like Mason, they don't all sleep through the night at a month old......LOL He is going to be an amazing dad because he is an amazing man and amazing husband. I couldn't and wouldn't have wanted to do this with anyone else.

Next, my Mom. I seriously have no words to describe how lucky I am to have my mom. Yup, I sure am getting all teary eyed as I write this.....hahaha. Im sure she will shed a few to...we're big babies. She has known every detail from day one. She is my cheerleader, my support system, my shoulder to cry on and my best friend. She knows exactly what to say, or what not to say when words just won't work. She is happy when Im happy, pissed off when Im pissed off, and cries when I cry. ** Can someone hand her a tissue** This whole journey has been tolerable because of her, and I will never be able to repay her for all that she has done for me.

My sister has also been a big support for me. She listens when I talk, and no detail is to much for her which I love. I can be myself without judgement, and everyone would be lucky to have a sister as wonderful as her. I did tell her she can't get pregnant before me, and so far she is listening...LOL

My Dad is also awesome, although we spare him the details...LOL He knows just enough to keep him in the loop. He is going to be a wonderful Grandpa...or Papa(im not sure...Im thinking Papa, but I guess I will leave it up to im...LOL). I can't wait to see him hold his grandbaby(ies) for the first time.

My Grandma as also helped me more than she will ever know. She will let me talk about this for an hour, and maybe say 3 words(while im pausing to breath), and I just feel like i've had the best conversation. She is just such an amazing woman, and I am so truly blessed to have her in my life.

I also have a great group of girls at work. I am an open book, so everyone I know knows what we are going through. I know so many women who don't like to talk about it, but I love it, it's like therapy and I work with 30 therapists. They all let me blab all day long about ovaries, ultrasounds, semen analysis', painful injections, IUI's and so much more, most of which is in GREAT detail(if only my husband actually knew how much these girls know about him). Everyone is very understanding when I need a day off, or an hour off, or 5 minutes to cry. They cheer me on through everything, and never seems annoyed when I just won't shut up, and for that I will be forever grateful.

Kaitlin and I became friends instantly, and after knowing her for about 6 months she became pregnant with her son. On March 9, 2011 Mason was born. It was one of he most amazing days of my life. Mason is a huge part of my life, and keeps me sane. I love that little boy, and so does my husband and he has brought us so much joy, that I can't imagine how I will feel when its my own...Yup, Ill probably explode. When I need a baby fix Kaitlin lets him come for a sleepover, when I get a new baby carrier, she brings Mason over so I can try him on it, and when I am having bad day she brings him over to snuggle. I am very lucky to have such a wonderful friend. She is always there for me, day or night. She gets mad when Im mad, brings me chocolate when I need it, and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts. She is a true friend that I will always have in my life.

I also have a great group of friends that I have never met in real life(ok I've met a few). We all met on a forum years ago and have remained friends ever since. Anyone would be lucky to have a group of friends like this who are sweet, smart, honest, blunt, funny, give you a virtual hug when you need it, and virtual slap when your acting crazy. I tell them every detail, and I mean every detail of whats going on, and in return, I get support love and understanding. We are all at different places in our lives, some have kids, some have multiple kids, some are trying and sadly some are struggling like me. I wish more than anything that we all get to be mothers one day SOON.

I am also very lucky to have so many other wonderful understanding supportive people in my life, and for them I am forever grateful. I am also so blessed to have a wonderful family on my husbands side, who have truly been wonderful throughout this whole adventure.

Is ICSI in our future???

We got the results of Kyles semen analysis, and they were less than awesome. I don't know all the details because Kyle talked to the nurse when she called(and men can't be trusted to get specific details on, but I do know they are down from 2 years ago. So, what does this mean you this point im not really sure. We will take these results with us to the Dr in Portland and see what he says. Incase your wondering, ICSI is a procedure where a single sperm is injected directly into the egg to help with fertilization. Im not going to stress out to much though, there are many factors that could have affected it. He will just have to do it again....Poor guy.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Work out day husband kicked my ass!

Im not going to post every time I work out but today was an eye opener. We started with 10 minute trainer abs, and then moved onto lower body. We did 5 mins of lower body and decided to go for a run. I warned Kyle that I was a terrible runner, and he assured me he was to. We get out to the street and he takes off. I just stood there and watched him run down the road. He turned around threw his arms up in the air and yelled for me to hurry up, all while jogging on the spot. I swear Army bootcamp filled his head while running, and he just wouldn't give up. I ran about a quarter mile and was done. I wanted to sit down, have him run his butt home, get the car and come get me. I could hear him yelling at me trying to motivate me, and it worked, I started running, but I wasn't running for the exercise, I was trying to catch up to him so I could slap the crap out of him. He ran the rest of the way home and I lagged behind. I finally did make it home, and decided tomorrow, Im running alone...LOL

I love carbs and I hate to work out!

But, carbs and not working out are not going to get me pregnant. 10lbs......10 friggen pounds. That seems like so much, when I have struggled to loose the 7 I have already lost. No pasta, rice, bread, potatos, limited fruit, no chips candy cake...UGH, whats left to eat...LOL I can do this, I can do this. I started at 179lbs in December, and as of today, I am 172lbs, 10 more pounds to go... Its totally doable.......

RE#2...I think he's a keeper

I called this office to see if they were open to schedule an appt, it being saturday I thought I would get an answering machine.What I did not expect was the DR to answer the phone himself, I was so shocked I didn't even know what to say....LOL so I hung up on him. I gathered my list of questions and called back. I talked to him for 20 mins. I found out he also batch cycles(everyone starts on the same day vs people starting whenever), which was one of my red flags from the other DR. He said he likes to batch cycle because those few week are dedicated to IVF and nothing else, no other surgery, no new patients, nothing. He also said he thinks its a crock that the Spokane Dr won't do a day 6 transfer, he said it makes no difference whether it is day 5 or 6. He said if I did IVF through him, it would be the April cycle at the earliest. He said because I have PCOS, the thought of diminished ovarian reserve is stupid. He would want me to work out and cut carbs, and do a 2 hours insulin test, and loose 10 lbs before we did anything.I got off the phone with him feeling very good about things, and excited to get there and meet him. I was told to call on Monday to schedule an appt with him.

RE #1

 Appt went great, dr was awesome and very talkative....just the way I like it. We talked about all the tx I had done in the past. He was upset the prev DR did a laporoscpy and put me on luporn, and thought that was very unnecessary. He was even more mad that CD 3 bloodwork was never done to check FSH. He said that after looking through everything, his biggest concern was diminished ovarian reserve. He said that after all the med cycles, and the IUI's and such that I should be pregnant by now. He also said, that the follisitm I was taking a few years ago should have given me like 5 follicles and it didn't. He also said that it could be a sperm issue. The S/A has always come back normal, but he said they never check to make sure the sperm can penetrate an egg. So Kyle gave another sample today, and they will look at it very carefully. He also wants me to have a saline sonogram/hysterscope in the next couple of weeks. We did a bunch of blood work to test Estridiol, LH and FSH and a whole crap ton of other stuff. He also did an ultrasound to take a look t everything. He alsodid a swab for STD's and and mycoplasma, and did some sort of catheter check. We will have a follow up a week after the scope. His stats were so good, 78% live birth rate, but a 46% twins rate. His donor stats were 85% for a fresh cycle. He also only transfers on day 5. If it goes to day six, they freeze it and use it later. He also said if it goes to day 6 they can take peice of it and check it for down syndrome(among other things) and make sure you won't miscarry(he used lots of bigs words, and explained how it works, but I forget). Although Im not sure if we are interested in that. He would have sat there and talked with us for hours if we wanted him to. He said if I want to we can get everything in order for the March IVF cycle.....Makes me so nervous. Kyle and I have a lot to talk about financially before we commit. They also talked about paying for 1 cycle or doing a multi cycle for one fee.. He said that the med protocol is the same/different for everybody. He adjusts levels and meds as needed. He also is going to run some tests to see if maybe my body would respond to some other meds better versus the traditional ones. The staff was amazing, and my nurse coordinator was incredible. She made me feel like I was her only patient, and told me to call or email any time, and as often as I liked. The dr said the same thing, he doesn't want me in the dark about anything, so call as often as I like, even if the question seems silly.
 That was a post I made on a private group on facebook just after coming home from the RE. I was on a high, I was excited, nervous, and desperate to have a baby. I have a great group of girls who helped me research this DR and after million red flags, which I will not go into we decided to see a different DR.

A little...or a lot of history!

We started trying for a family in April 2008, 6 months or so after we got married. When I didn't get pregnant right away I was discouraged to say the least. Our first appt with our DR was in september. I went in there armed with a million questions, facts, and emotions, and left with just that. Our dr wanted us to have an ultrasound and some blood work before we perused any fertility treatment. I will say though, I loved that DR. he didn't care we hadn't been trying for a year, he didn't turn us away and tell us to keep trying, he wanted to help us. the next day I had my blood work done, and a week later I went for the ultrasound. The results of the ultrasound were normal, as was the blood work. We started clomid in November.....It didn't work. I didn't ovulate, I didn't get a period, so we were back at square one. They upped the dose of Clomid 2 more times, and it worked once. The headaches though were not worth it.....Looking back I would have gladly excepted the headaches over what I endured the years after that. Anyways, June of 2009 I was referred to a Reproductive Endocrinologist(RE)(who is a fertility specialist). My first appt was great and I really liked the new DR. She said we could try 3 IUI's and if they failed we would need IVF. She also did an ultrasound, and that is when I was diagnosed with PCOS. I was ok with the diagnosis, I was glad that there was a reason I wasn't getting pregnant. She said I needed an HSG(hysterosalpingogram) which checks for a blockage in your fallopian tubes. Mine came back normal. Kyle also had an semen analysis, and it was awesome, super sperm according to the DR. That means we got the green light to do our first IUI. I was put on Femara to stimulate ovulation and closely monitored by ultrasound. I was lucky enough to have a DR in town do all the work, and the RE call all the shots(less travel for us). Our first IUI was complete, and the whole procedure was pretty easy. I called my mom that night just knowing that it was going to work, and we were both so excited. Although things dont' always go according to plan and 2 weeks later I got my period.  We did this 2 more times, and 2 more times I was excited, and 2 more times I got my period. We gave up for a while, took a mental break, and regrouped. 6 months or so later we contacted the RE and asked to do an injectables cycle. Which was injecting medication into my stomach to force a follicle to grow and then do another IUI. Our hope was to get 2 or 3 follicles and increase our chances. After injecting myself for 10 days, I had one follicle, 1 lonely follicle. We did an IUI anyways, and guess what......2 weeks later I got my period. CRAP. We took another 7 month break and just tried on our own. November 2010 we met with a local doctor who wasn't an RE, but had some experience with infertility and IUI's. He recommended a laporoscopy to check for uterine problems. So, 5 days before thanksgiving I went in for surgery. I have 3 tiny scars on my stomach where they went in with their instruments, and cameras. When I woke up, the DR told me I had severe endometriosis, but he was able to remove most of it. He also said i was going to be on Lupron for 6 months. Im still not clear on the reasoning behind the Lupron. That was a terrible 6 months. It basically put me into menopause. I had hot flashes, night sweats, insomnia, it was awful. The beginning of June 2011 we were given the ok to start more injectables and do another IUI. After 5 days of needles in the belly, we had an ultrasound, and determined I wasn't responding at all. That cycle was canceled. Kyle had another semen analysis, and again, everything was fine. A month later we decide to try again, but I also did acupuncture, and some natural things to help along the way. I ended up with one follicle....bummer, we did an IUI and the next day did another one. It didn't work, we were left heartbroken. In December 2011 we started meds for another IUI. This time we tried a different med in hopes we get more than just one follicle. On the days 7 ultrasound it showed I wasn't responding to that med at all. We were given a prescription for more meds but it was going to cost us $700, we decided to cancel that cycle. I cried all night long, I felt like such a failure, like I was letting everyone down. A couple days later we made an appt with a new RE. We were ready to move on, no matter what we needed to do, we were ready.

Lets try this

Im not much of a blogger, but we thought this was a time in our life we would never want to forget. So here we go........