Sunday, January 15, 2012

Will the nerves ever go away???

I am so nauseous, and have been since we decided to do IVF in Feb. I know this is the right choice for us, I know its what we need to do in order to have a family, I know I will be be ok no matter the outcome, so why have a felt sick to my stomach for 3 days? I have been trying to do things to distract my mind from all of this, and it works, but every time I have some down time its all I think about. I think the biggest fear is all the time off work I will need. I have awesome bosses,  and a wonderful sweet understanding office manager, but I feel sick taking a week off for this, and if it doesn't work, another week off a few months later. Im also nervous because the week that I will spend in Portland, will be alone. Kyle wants to be there, but only has so many hours of PTO(payed time off) with his work. *If* this does work, he wants 3 or 4 weeks after the baby is born to stay home and help. He knows Im going to stay for home for 12 weeks, and he wants to be a part of that, wants to enjoy our baby "full time" as much as he can. I want that so bad as well, so I am going to put on my big girl panties and stay alone *cry*. The last thing I am nervous about is disappointing everyone. I am so scared that it wont work, and everyone will be let down, like I have let them down in the past. Im afraid all this heartache, stress, money, time off work won't be worth it. Ok, before all my family and friends slap the crap out of me, I know "I" won't be letting you all down, and none of you are going to love me less, it just feels that way in my head. What doesn't scare me is he needles(my husband is an awesome shot giver), or the procedure itself. Oh and I hate to give myself the shots, so when I have to do them at work Im gonna rely on Carly or Danyell or one of the other awesome hygienists that I work with....so be prepared guys. Anyways, I am trying to be optimistic(doesn't seem like it right?? LOL) and know that in the end my husband will still be there for me, and he will give me a giant hug no matter the outcome.

2 comments:

  1. Why do you have to take a whole week off? I only have to take off the day of retrieval and day of transfer. Do they want you to have bed rest or something?

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  2. I need to be monitored daily close to retrieval, and the RE is almost 4 hours away. 8 hours of driving a day isn't worth it, so I will just stay there :)

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